jibm
16-03-2010, 01:43 PM
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Cricket is very popular in Japan. It's what they do to their camera to take a photo.
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Carlsberg don't do Alzheimer's... but they do make exceedingly good cakes.
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I've written a book about sexism. It even has pictures, so women can enjoy it too.
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My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto.
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And then God created Saturn... And he liked it, so he put a ring on it.
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Looks aren't everything, but you can't wank over personality.
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I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way.
Through the driver's door.
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Cocaine is never a solution.
Unless of course, you dissolve it in water.
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Does that meerkat understand that he's giving free publicity to ComparetheMarket.com?
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I saw this guy in an Italian restaurant ordering pizza in fluent Italian. The waiter seemed to appreciate his willingness to accept their culture.
So, I tried the same thing in our local Chinese restaurant.
I squinted my eyes and shouted, "Harro! Spesha frah raice prease!" But instead of showing appreciation, they took the upturned prawn-cracker basket from my head and told me to get out.
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I just booked a Chinese Journey tribute act to sing at my funeral - All together now "Don't stop bereaving!"
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I organised a day of sponsored bungee jumping for the local disabled children.
Perhaps calling it 'Spastics on Elastic' wasn't my finest hour.
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Red roses - check!
Barry White album - check!
Scented candles - check!
Tonight, that little hot minx of a wank sock won't know what's hit it.
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I've just discovered my dog has a latex allergy. God knows how I'm going to explain that to the vet.
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I've been teaching my son to play chess.
It's a great way to break him into racism.
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Just burnt the pancakes.
They're so black and thin, I'm waiting for Bono to start fucking singing them a song.
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I teach kids about the dangers of sexual predators on the internet.
The hard way.
-----------------------------
My friend was saying how he thinks Megan Fox is the hottest thing ever.
He obviously hasn't bit straight into a fresh McDonald's apple pie.
-----------------------------
I just shaved a hedgehog. It was pointless.
Cricket is very popular in Japan. It's what they do to their camera to take a photo.
-----------------------------
Carlsberg don't do Alzheimer's... but they do make exceedingly good cakes.
-----------------------------
I've written a book about sexism. It even has pictures, so women can enjoy it too.
-----------------------------
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto.
-----------------------------
And then God created Saturn... And he liked it, so he put a ring on it.
-----------------------------
Looks aren't everything, but you can't wank over personality.
-----------------------------
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way.
Through the driver's door.
-----------------------------
Cocaine is never a solution.
Unless of course, you dissolve it in water.
-----------------------------
Does that meerkat understand that he's giving free publicity to ComparetheMarket.com?
-----------------------------
I saw this guy in an Italian restaurant ordering pizza in fluent Italian. The waiter seemed to appreciate his willingness to accept their culture.
So, I tried the same thing in our local Chinese restaurant.
I squinted my eyes and shouted, "Harro! Spesha frah raice prease!" But instead of showing appreciation, they took the upturned prawn-cracker basket from my head and told me to get out.
-----------------------------
I just booked a Chinese Journey tribute act to sing at my funeral - All together now "Don't stop bereaving!"
-----------------------------
I organised a day of sponsored bungee jumping for the local disabled children.
Perhaps calling it 'Spastics on Elastic' wasn't my finest hour.
-----------------------------
Red roses - check!
Barry White album - check!
Scented candles - check!
Tonight, that little hot minx of a wank sock won't know what's hit it.
-----------------------------
I've just discovered my dog has a latex allergy. God knows how I'm going to explain that to the vet.
-----------------------------
I've been teaching my son to play chess.
It's a great way to break him into racism.
-----------------------------
Just burnt the pancakes.
They're so black and thin, I'm waiting for Bono to start fucking singing them a song.
-----------------------------
I teach kids about the dangers of sexual predators on the internet.
The hard way.
-----------------------------
My friend was saying how he thinks Megan Fox is the hottest thing ever.
He obviously hasn't bit straight into a fresh McDonald's apple pie.
-----------------------------
I just shaved a hedgehog. It was pointless.